Written by Desmond Olubunmi · Founder of Sunya
Sexual energy is among the most concentrated forms of the life force.
This drive is a natural part of the human system and serves a critical function — reproduction, the carrying on of the species. Just as hunger is there, just as the drive for sleep is there, this is there too. The first step is to recognise it rather than push it under the carpet.
Then, having recognised it, ask what it actually is. Sexual energy is a life-giving substance — every human being comes from it. That alone tells you it is significant and powerful.
Its habitual, excessive discharge is a significant drain. Conserving it — through moderation, or periods of continence — keeps that vital energy within the system, where it can rise and be put to higher use.
What is gained is not only the energy itself. Conserved, it fuels building and creating, and your attention and intelligence become available for that work. Dissipated, it costs twice: the energy is lost, and time must be spent rebuilding it. Overindulgence also reduces prefrontal activity — executive function, future planning, and the plain ability to be skilful and capable in practical life.
No suppression and no repression. Suppressed, it tends to come out sideways. But there is equally no need to make it the whole of life, or to be ruled by it — that corrupts and distorts life just as surely. Balance is the key, and being in flow with the way of nature tends to lead there on its own.
Begin with balance: Not abstinence as a rule imposed from outside. Living in balance means this is no longer a constant demand — the natural interval becomes a few months or more, rather than every day or every week. That interval is where the practice actually becomes possible.
Use the root lock: A gentle squeeze and lift of the pelvic floor muscles, drawing the energy upward rather than letting it settle. It is the most direct practice here.
Do not look: A small thing with a disproportionate effect. Avoid looking at the genitals — in the shower, changing, at any point. Looking keeps it present in the mind and makes arousal considerably easier. Ideally you forget it is there at all. But do not turn this into a rule you are resisting, because then it occupies the mind anyway and eventually wins. It is a quiet decision, not a battle. Simply do not look.
Limit the exposure: Avoid what triggers the instinct. Lower the gaze. Keep dealings with the opposite sex to practical and business matters, and limit that exposure. Audit what you consume and who you follow — anything arousing goes.
This matters more than willpower does, because once arousal arises it is much harder to resist the second time, and harder again the third. It becomes a downward spiral. Avoid it at the start and there is nothing to resist.
Build non-sexual connection: Much of this activity is driven by boredom or loneliness rather than genuine desire. A real social circle — friendships, people you see regularly, connection that has nothing sexual in it — meets the need underneath. Humans need connection; when that need is genuinely met, the pull weakens on its own rather than having to be resisted.
Cold water and physical exertion: A cold shower in the morning helps considerably — it does not have to be freezing, only colder than usual. Exercise, jogging, calisthenics and yoga all move the same energy through the body rather than leaving it pooled in one place. Yoga in particular diffuses it across the whole system.
Have something you are building: This is the one that makes the rest work. Something that captures your focus so completely that sexual activity becomes secondary — not through struggle, but because you are absorbed, passionate, and genuinely enjoying what you are doing. The energy, the focus and the vitality then become a creation in the world rather than a discharge.
Keep practising: You cannot conserve and have nothing else going on. Without meditation, devotional practice, and real inner work, this becomes a tug of war between you and nature — and eventually you lose that war. The energy has to be channelled, not merely withheld.
There is a deeper reason too: the more strongly you identify with the body, the more strongly you are ruled by its compulsive needs. As practice deepens and that identification loosens, conservation becomes considerably easier — less a matter of restraint than of no longer being so completely subject to the body’s demands.
Never fight nature: If nature calls, yield to it and move on. Then return to what you were doing. Spending your time and energy fighting and resisting is itself another loss.
Occasional writing on the levers, the practices, and how to actually work with them.
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